23 Year Old Tales

Future

2004-08-16T18:05:52Z

What so bad being a sales man? A degree holder being a sales man? Shame? Being car sales man? Wondering how my life will be being a sales man? Its doesnot related to my fields. So what a degree holder work as a sales man, as long as we can earn money. Well, alot of degree holder works as a sales man. Alot of the degree holders work become a Millionnair... Who said being a sales man is equals to low salary income groups.
Well, as what I speak to my sales manager today, he realize working in office hardly receive salary that can make us RICH. As long when we increased until RM2500, hardly got another increment. In the mean time, My mum told me, once I see the value of being a sales man, I will never want to get rid off being a sales man as the career.
Sales Man, I cycle to the show room today and just interview and asked for a job of being a sales man. Shit, interview to become a sales man, is one of the biggest block that I need to get rid away. My honours, faces of people around me, and my qualification is not equal to become a sales man.
My godness, how? Still have to survive, have to work, have to achieve my dreams. William Chong, USPD director, was started as a sales man. Now he is a multi Millionair. Why can't tread him as my example. Being a A class students can become rich man, doesnot means F class student cannot be rich. Jackie Chan, was not even a junior school gradurate student. Lim Kok TOng, The director of Genting Highland, don;t even know english. Etc
Even though, when we are not working as a sales man, we have to sell ourselves from time to time. When we go for interview, we have to tell him about A to Z. Well it is just diffferent area of sales, we have to sell our products.... Working hard is not enough, but working smart.

Shit! Bloody angry with my boss, I have to take out my ear ring....

我最近喜欢的歌

2004-08-07T21:16:17Z

twins 的歌

多谢失恋

G：回头是场空大地回冬初分手数天总会痛
仍然在途中只好相信雨过后有彩红
C：曾落空先知我因为爱曾经多英勇
曾为爱上你面红够我闭上大门在庆功
* 1xG/2xC：全靠当天喜欢过错的人
1XC/2xG：今天先会自我解窘
1xG/2xC：明白小小的失恋不害人
1XC/2xG：更加添我成熟感
1xG/2xC：无法一起都总算爱过些人
1XC/2xG：借过你体温练习拥吻
1xG/2xC：留下你合照细望才知道
1XC/2xG：我跟他人更合衬
C：从前学年中自命情种一出手爱得比较重
来年换时空应该长进再爱定更松容
G：曾撞板先知我因为爱曾经多失控
回望过去也面红爱上你似漫游外太空
Repeat *
C+G：全靠当天喜欢过错的人今天先会自我解窘
G：无论初恋多么的感动人
C：更好的爱前面等
C+G：无法一起都总算爱过些人借过你体温练习拥吻
G：明白要让我这样年轻过
C：至懂得谁最合衬

希望我能够把这首歌，唱给失恋的人听。而不是自己。

消息

2004-08-07T21:04:45Z

很久没有和你正正的聊天。你很忙吗?不能怪你，也没有怪你。因为我们的时差是正好12小时。
我们更本就没有什么机会谈天，上网始终是没有什么两句。多两句，就可能断线，可能你要看电影。很想告诉你，我最近又有追求者，很烦，不知道他怎样拿到我的电话号码。问了很多关于你的事，问我现在快乐。享受吗？他约我出街，我拒绝。他约我吃饭，我很忙。他绝我看戏，我说我没钱；他说他请，我告诉我不想看。种种的拒绝方使用了，告诉过他，我不爱他了。他相信总有一天会感动我的。我MSN上骂的38婆，不是自己，而是乱把我电话号码给人的那位38，还把我的事讲得一清二楚。我就觉得他很了解我，那38到底是谁？
想等你整天把事告诉你，又怕等到你之后，你告诉我，你要看戏，我不想失望，宁愿不等。不等，就睡觉；不睡觉，就上网；不上网，就想出街。和谁出呢？上午，除了见工之外，我的朋友都在工作。刚好，Ben星期二，才回马六甲；星期三，那家伙没有工作，约了他出街，消磨时间。希望星期四能上班。
没见过那家伙，只是电话谈谈吧了，可能是我认识的。
LQ有人摸我的屁股。很不开兴，因为他很无聊。要认识我，就光明正大的来自我介绍!虽然我不会和你发生关系，但我不会对你反感，可能还可以成为朋友呢！
明日复明日，明日何其多？我的照片好了吗？
要告诉的都告诉完了，好了可以安心睡觉了。

更怕

2004-08-04T20:19:05Z

u are abit chubby face nowaday
need to on diet

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<tak|21^>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

I am wondering how charming is James... Someone told that my husband is good looking -- Woo... My suppose I am really happy about it.. but since the conversation make me worry, should I start worrying again? Feel like someone want me to share or even give my happiness to him...

The conversation
<P>
<cheras23> u are abit chubby face nowaday
<cheras23> need to on diet
<tAK|21^> why always change nick oh?
<tAK|21^> dunno it's u also...
<cheras23> where got
<cheras23> usually I use this nick one
<cheras23> but from 21- 22 - 23
<cheras23> from time getting older
<cheras23> what are u up to?
<tAK|21^> hahahaa..
<tAK|21^> when is 24?
<cheras23> hahaha ayo.... just start to use 23
<cheras23> so fast want to 24
<cheras23> DUH
<tAK|21^> hahaha... okok...
<tAK|21^> hey that day at lost world ur fren is nice le.. yummy!
<cheras23> izzit
<cheras23> who like him??
<tAK|21^> me also like ka... u think he's not nice meh?
<cheras23> he is my husband
<tAK|21^> yer~
<cheras23> hehhe
<tAK|21^> i wanna to be the mistress... haha
<tAK|21^> u're the 1st wive
<cheras23> ya woor... u like him... ar... intro to u lol
<cheras23> no lol...
<tAK|21^> can can!
<cheras23> u can or not lol.. but need to suffer like me... distance relationship
<tAK|21^> ooh where he stays?
<tAK|21^> wangsa maju or klang?
<cheras23> kepong.. now in United State
<tAK|21^> why oh? dig gold ka?
<cheras23> no lah. studying there
<cheras23> but he is coming few weeks later.. then he will go china
<cheras23> to work
<tAK|21^> oooh.... what he studies?
<cheras23> mass communication
<tAK|21^> haiya.. i admire him le...
<tAK|21^> die lo.. how?
<cheras23> then ar... u go after him lol... see he want u or not lol
<cheras23> hahhaa
<tAK|21^> yeah....
<cheras23> :)
<tAK|21^> but now u said i'm fat maa.... then i think he won like me also la...
<cheras23> hehhe
<tAK|21^> dunwan later no face...
<cheras23> tehn on diet lol
<cheras23> haha
<tAK|21^> if i become thin will be uglier le...
<tAK|21^> it's true
<cheras23> hahah
<cheras23> then how
<tAK|21^> wear mask lo!! hahahahah
<cheras23> then u better go after him lol.... cause he belongs to ne
<cheras23> me
<tAK|21^> okok... when he leaving?
<cheras23> he is coming back in 2 weeks time
<cheras23> and then he is leaving for another 2 week

BLAH

怕

2004-08-04T09:28:00Z

很多时候，我都很怕。怕什么？很怕被人抛弃。
人就是那样，当没有的时候，就很希望有一个；但是有了的时候，又怕这样那样。我最怕就是被他抛弃。很多时候，就尽量考验自己的魅力到底有多高。希望，失去一个之后，就能够立刻得到另外一个。还有很多时候，考验自己的爱人，到底爱我又多深？
人就是那样，但是为何要那么复杂呢？
想催眠自己，告诉自己不要担心那么多。还不能。到底怎样才到忘我境界？不会担心那么多？

Finally he left

2004-07-31T21:33:43Z

Nearly 1 day he had left Malaysia, and I am starting to perform a count down to make sure that my dearest husband will come back on time. I miss him... Well, he only left not more than 24 hours, how miss do I have? Hm... I feeling like crying, but my tears wasn't want to come out. Hard feeling, My heart was bumping hard. I already got this feeling 4 hours before he make a ride to KLIA.
Thing back to normal. Friends say: "Cody, now look more like Cody!" When my husband is here, I looking like CONNIE (a girl name) Of course, I am his wife.

Yesterday, I had recorded some unhappiness event we happen recently. Well, maybe my fault, maybe his fault. Sometimes it is true, I think too much.
I admitted that i was not so loving anymore compared to previous vacation because lying ahead of us is a huge future that i really dont know. dear cody, I think it is the time for u to give him support, reduce his pressure, but not increasing more and more presure to make him down. That not the responbility of being a wife.
Do give me a email, when u read this OKIE? husband?

Leaving Malaysia

2004-07-29T07:32:43Z

Finally it have to prepare myself in he mood to tell myself and everyone that he is LEAVING. LEAVING Malaysia to US. US?? again? but not much worries cause he will be back within 2 to 3 weeks, but I think I couldn't be here waiting for him. I am planing to work in Singapore. Singapore? just next to Malaysia.
I hope I can get a job there....
LEAVING.... LEAVING... both are leaving.
If given me a choice, I think I will not work in China with him. Maybe I have the faith of getting a distance relationship. Distance relationship wasn't as what I wish, yet I am doing it. Why ar?

他？！！

2004-07-27T19:45:20Z

心情不爽，又不是好也不坏；心仆仆的跳，跳得很不正常。
脑在想：“难道他又是‘基’”？
他，我初一就认识了。他，不但是我的影像深刻的那一位，他曾经是我的房长，朋友。看过他有女朋友；拖女朋友的手。就不相信他是基的！看到他的时候，我起初不敢相信我的眼睛，怎么可以随随便便的就肯定他就是“他”呢？他在‘青莲花’工作，也不代表他就是他的嘛！认真地看，他果然就是他。我没有错！
可能他只是纯粹工作，‘青莲花’也请过不是基的人。例如花罗汉等人。但是我问过‘青莲花’元老，元老说他叫“Alex”，是名女同志。女同志，代表什么呢？很像0号，可是又喜欢0 号；他很像女人，但他喜欢女人；他…… （哎呀！别乱想啦！）下次问清楚一下就好了！
回想，他又可能是基的。记得我初一的时候，他会无端端的对我那么好。晚上夜静人睡的时候，会到我的房间陪我谈天。对不起，是我的床上。他还会到我的床上睡觉，谈天，对我有特别的‘光照’。可能那时他是我的房长，对我特别的照护是应该的！可是初二时，他已经不是我房长了，他属于别人的了！他还对我很好，会到我的床上陪我谈天，我怎么不觉得奇怪的呢？妈的！难道他喜欢我？初三，因为柔道主席，我和他也引起了更好的友谊关系。他毕业回校时，还会和他见面，但是那时他已经拉着女人的手了！毕业不久，我也看不到他了。他也在我的脑中消失了！看到他的时候，他令我产生很多疑问。他妈的！如果他喜欢我的话，早就将他的处男之身，赫赫。他不会是基的，把立场定好！
如果他是得话，也不妨啊！介绍多一点，英俊，潇洒，高大威猛的同志给他。我以前是小巧，可爱的。啊！不可以是高大威猛的。哈哈！

Judo Action Movie

2004-07-26T17:58:13Z

Aaron Kok.. (Aghrr.... something like tat) being the main actor of this JUDO Movie (Throw Down). Well, everyone was giving a positive comments about this movie, but not me. I just don't like those movie. Cause I believe those judo skill they throws are rediculous and I don;t think it works.. in the real life.
Kenneth, my god brother just ask me about the judo skill yesterday. Everyone who watch that movie though Judo is easy to learn and it is easy to throw... HEY, come on, judoka... how long we learn to make a throw right? how long we need to learn in one technique in order to throw your opponent in a randori session? In the garden, I just telling them the basic theory of Judo, but hard to explain without judoGI. just teach in the normal way.
I teaches them NipponSeoiNage, i was telling them it is actually a HIP but not a HAND technique. I used whole night to explain, but they don;t understand, only then they realize JUDO is not easy. The stupid movie by Arron Kok different idea in Judo. I think I am going to watch it soon with my friends, to see how effective the movie is...

4天后！

2004-07-15T21:39:37Z

不多不少我们都在一起了一年了。问我，我有什么的感想？没什么啦！有时激动的会乱讲话，但我还是很爱他！
可是，我最担心的问题是—我们能够在一起还有多久？他离开我的那四天，我的感触很多。一个一个列出来吧！
1．我到处到别人的家住。当然是gay一家族的朋友。他们也蛮牺牲的听我说我的不满，我的故事。“公说公有理，婆说婆有理”我告诉他们的，多让他们觉得我是很好的老婆！Maurice为最大的受害者，为什么？我们一张单人床，2个人睡。怎样睡得好？又要听我讲故事。唉！可怜！朋友会比老公重要，好好地珍惜朋友！

2．不要对爱情甜密的话太认真。说过的，不一定办得到！X为我朋友，我也不想说他的名字。他给我看，当年他的男友sms他，什么一生一世，只爱你一个人！如今已分手了。就好像，他告诉我会打电话给我，为什么那么的认真？如果太认真，就不会希望他会给我电话而不开心。

3．为自己的事业打好基础，不要因为他而铺路！如果有缘的话，我们一定能够一生一世在一起。如果没有缘的话，算了吧！反正我没有损失到我的经济来源。

4．不要向太远，以前就想要一生一世，永不分离！他就是我的一切！所以会想到没有他会死那样。4天后，我想法是那样的。现在开开心心就好的，就不要想太多！反正以后太远了，不要再想，买家，买车等等的！只要现在开行就好的!。

5．我怕一个人睡觉。但，不是他一个人才能陪我睡。我可以找别的嘛！当然，不是做爱那一些性伴侣！就以后，租一间两个人一间房那一些，就不会孤独了！那尽管他离开我100年，都与我无关！哈哈

好了就这样，给些评语吧!

Maybe friends are right

2004-07-12T07:43:42Z

Getting relationship is not about forever, cause we are too young to think of it. We should think of our own future, job opportunity and think of our own life, rather than thinking about love. Maybe maybe we are just too young. Never learn to depends on peoples too much, and don't learn or to hope someone to do something for u. Don't put too much aspectation in these things.
When too much commitment in a relationship, i think we lost alot of things if we only think of others. Let him fly, let him fly without burden. Hm.. that makes him better.
I remember I promise him, that I will be with him forever.. together.. for life.. but how? we don't even have a way. We have our dream. Hm... bored.. I think some people might bored with these conversation
Anyway i had sign up the contract to Thailand.. maybe work for fun.. or how.. see how is it.. Just have fun for this trip and work..

Just being fine

2004-07-12T02:29:28Z

I am working now, the trial period. Hm.. wondering how could it be. Nothing much early in the morning, I woke up, and then have my pizza and EGG TATT as breakfast. Then I come to work. Well, I doubt I had when in into the chinese base company. From my understanding this company was originally from HK, then it come to oversea and doing their business... And how about me, thinking to be part of their company.. HEHE
Anyway wish things are going fine. Wondering what can I do for the rest of the working period, cause I have no understanding on FOOTBALL. Hm.. The main business of the company.
It okie, early in the morning, fXXking morning, hm.. lucky the training wasn't start immediatelly. He asked me to check email, and I think I should take sometime to write journal, and here is it.
A chinese base company, sending me to Thailand, just for incase, I wrote down the company name, incase it is a con man business then u know... "MUltimedia Icon Sdn Bhd" KEKE
Wish they won;t able to know what am I writing here...

Hm.. back to square one about James, he got the job in Hong Kong, does it means to be end. Hm.. some funny story from him. This and that.. just curious how?! Maybe he is right. I am too sensitive on the issue. be okie about it.. And maybe give us enough time to think about it.. is right
YEah I am signing the contract.. Well, included 3 month propation (testing, hm.. I don;t know how to spell) LOUSY ENGLISH. I SIGNED. HEHE
After the trail period, they will adjust the salary depends on the work.
GIve some time about me and james.. Why flowing around.. just feel borred.. hehe
Given this picture -- RM500 ringgit are not used in malaysia anymore

He apologize

2004-07-11T18:42:08Z

He told me on the first days itself he arrive home too late.. he have no time to call.. so more his mum was sleeping in front of him, so he cannot make a call on me. some more calling my handphone is expensive, he want to use house phone. Okie, does calling me can cause those kinds of trouble? then str8 away tell me that u are bz.. u cannot call me..at all... then it wouldnot waste my sleeping time to wait.
Then second, he was decribing somewhere in china got no internet access,he could reply my email. and then no phone call... and then he realize that he don;t know that he need to have a night in that place also.that why he didnot call me... Then why he promise me to call? somehow, I think he can call me from hotel.. I don;t need long conversation I just these :" Dear, I am in Where, the phone charges is expensive here, call u back when I back to hong Kong." Does that cause u hundred ringgit?no matter how out date that place is it, i don;t believe cannot even get a phone call.. I am not at home, I can search for internet cafe. why can't he?
Third day, finally I see him online. about 12.00am, he asked me do I have a fixed phone? I didnot say anything, cause I am using internet access... then he tell me that he miss me too much... BLAR BLAR, Then i asked him, if u miss me why don;t call me immediatelly get back home? he told me call mobile phone is expensive! his sister used to call his mobile also... somemore.. if expensive, then just have a short conversation lah... I dont mind anyway.
Then even funny, he told me he will buy phone card to call me tomorrow. Well, my turn not in the mood. I will never wait for his call...

I does't means it!

2004-07-11T13:30:30Z

I only say that I will switch off the phone etc etc I said these cause I am angry... Please? I am weak.. Are you playing those games with me? Should I say? are u playing with me?
Send me an email that he will told me more about it... and sorry for not calling... and then he did it again!!
What happen? nothing much i can do... I surrender.......

i waited him until this morning.. I haven't even sleep yet... Is it the way to ask me not to worry if he start his career in Hong Kong? I am really sick on him...

Yeah he have his own life I shouldnot too much worry about him. but just have him worry about me? He used to say he care about me, all is care is about me. Is that LIE? or Truth?
He said he will call me every 12.00am, he said he will call me tonight, he said he will this that.. Is that all not true?

I am homeless, I am weak, I am even giving up myself for him.

An hour more. Last hour warning

2004-07-10T17:36:48Z

I will change my 016 sim card. he will never see me agian.... Angry Fed Up.. I have no comment about him.
Promise me call me 12 o'clock. And he didnot... GERAM (means angry)
What should I do? Hm..

Let introduce 5 ways of how to make ur bf worry, anyway do u guys have any more idea? introduce me.. Punishment...
1. Change Sim card. Never bother him again
2. Go Home, Let him never got chance to see me again
3. Shut down computer for 2 month,act never notice his email and MSN
4. Go Oversea, so he couldnot see me again in the street
5. Disconnect all my friends, so he never got chance to get any information from them.

Judo

2004-07-10T17:23:25Z

Tot of judo. Today Alvin asked me this question "James dare to hit you?" I don't know how to answer honestly. Yet they answer for me. "Aiyo, you are judo player... he don't dare to even hit you." blar blar.. continue with the joke
Well, since I start my relationship with james, I resign from all the position in judo. I am not even attending the judo training. Give up 100%. Well, i had injure my back,since sometimes back. yet haven;t cure yet that why I didnot go for training. And of course my darling, dear, husband ( whatever ) he will never allow me to participate in judo.
Nipponseoinage, my favorite throw...

Judo had been part of my life, I love Judo...

First Journal

2004-07-10T08:56:06Z

23 years old. Should start writing journal.
People, I am gay! I already have a "Boy Friend" so call husband in my life. Don't jealous... well, if it is 1 month back, I would say it is a perfect relationship. Him, my husband... We tot of being together forever, Loving each other ever and after. But recently, I found something difference within us. Our future.. One of our disturban. "HUH I haven't broke off yet, you doesnot have the chance!" As what I used to mention about myself within this relationship. It wrote this way :

"Love is a shape of shifter.
Love send HIM to test me.
To be in love, we must fights of Estacy, and be ready for future. Laugh and sigh, scream and weep, it is challenging... I am in love "again".
Thanks Royce... other than him, no one can turns me on."

I tried to break off with him couple of times. But for everytime I break off with him, I love him even more. Why? Why can't he just leave me alone? Today, I realize I wont't be happy without him. Yes, I do have my own friends, but it is different compare to him and friends. Really...

We have a critical moment now! NOW? yes, as mention earlier "our future: is our biggest problem. He do have his own plans for his life, and so I. He plan to work in Hong Kong, United State (Definitely someone far from Malaysia). Well, he is intelligent, he got a score flying colour in his degree and it would be a great future for him to be there. I wasn't as smart as him. Why cause I am not that smart LOL.. I cannot even write a proper english sentences. When we have arguement within this matter, he used to tell me that he will earn alot alot of money for us to have a better life, this and that...
We had attached during his holiday back to malaysia from the State. I knew we will have a very very long distance relationship yet we have our promise, we suffer that kinds of situation for a years. At first I tot I only have to wait for 2 to 3 year for his graduration, and pratical traning, then he will be back and we will have ever and after happy life together and it so call "marriage". But now he started to plan to work in Hong kong. Hong Kong? Although it is near, nearer than The State, we can meet each other easily fopr just 1K we can get to there. Then how about our marriage? SIGH once he work in Hong Kong, it means he will work there until when? Do I have to wait for him another 10 years? 20 years? Does it worth? I don;t want a distance relationship. I don;t want to continue my life this way continously for another 10 year... Shit! I cannot accept that is a FACT!
Of course I asked him, how long do I need to wait? he didnot answer me SIGH. then he say it is not the matter of time, but he want to earn enough money for him to buy a car, a house and also start a new business. Then I ask, how long does he want to collect? USD10K? USD100K or even a million? He didnot answer me. It makes me insecure. It makes me fail.... I surrender... What kinds of relationship is this... Have dream but seen doesnot works forever. 10 years down the street, he might found someone can company him for the rest of the life, he don't need suffer for answering my answer... and so I.
Because of him, I left my family. I left the only solid place where I get support... Well, sound like I sacrifice alot for him ar? Argument within me and my family when they found out about us. 4 days he left me to Hong Kong, I am alone.. No where to stay.. No where to go. Boring nothing I can do.. I stayed in a motel for first day. how do I going to survive for another four days? I start hating him for leaving me like that. I start getting these feeling.. How about if he leave me for another 10 years? Shit.. Can I survive? No one believe that I am just being so sacrifice to leave my career cause he is coming back here for holiday. He don;t even believe trust me. Feel like dying... really
He might not understand me well... Forgive him, but honestly i never forget.
How long does our relationship will end? No idea.. Just depends on faith...